On that day, in my dream, I went back to my grandmother’s small bamboo and wood courtyard. There are still old things, green trees and bamboo shadows. The wind swept over the pond, ripping up a pool of green water and bringing a light, watery smell. Wind – driven bamboo shadows rustle and rustle. The light brown bamboo shell rubs against the bamboo pole, making a ringing sound of giggling, and occasionally a piece of bamboo shell floats to the ground in the wind. A tea tree is planted in the small flower bed, with thick green leaves and bright oil. The ginger flowers are in bud, the buds are round and full, and the flesh is bright and attractive. The little hen led the chirping chicks around for food and was busy all the time..     The dusk is boundless and the small courtyard is silent.. Grandma dozed alone in the yard. She was like a careless person airing on a bamboo pole, forgetting to take back her clothes. I have quietly approached her and she is still oblivious to it.     Grandma’s house sits in the east and west, with an open courtyard in front of it and a gate to the north. To the west of the courtyard is a large pond. The small courtyard adapts to local conditions and forms its own heaven and earth. It doesn’t need to build walls. It has natural walls. In the south, there is a wall made of his kitchen and a wall of ten uncles’ house.. The bamboo clumps to the west and north are surrounded and flourish and are natural green walls.     My grandmother died many years ago, and I have been eager to step back on this old land, come back and take a peek at grandma’s old home and pick up the golden childhood sunshine left here.. But again afraid of the vicissitudes of life, grandma’s yard has not recovered. I can’t accept any changes there. The new changes will wash away the old images imprinted on my mind.     On this day, I finally got up the courage to go back. However, I am afraid of approaching my grandmother’s house, and I am afraid of facing change.. In fact, those changes already exist. I purposely came back to take a look, but did not dare to step forward. I only circled around the periphery of the village and then left. The good time left behind in grandma’s house is no longer possible, but I will treasure it! I will cover the old images in the small courtyard with a protective film, just like the old photos, to protect them so that they will never fade or blur in my mind..     My uncle’s house and grandma’s house are in the same row side by side, but my uncle’s house is in front of ten uncles’ house, while grandpa’s house is not sheltered by others’ house, so the courtyard is more open. Although their father and son’s house is close at hand, there are two kitchens in the middle. Their father and son live independently, do not set foot in each other’s homes, and have a tendency to die of old age without contact with each other..     In the countryside here, it is customary to build the kitchen outside the main house. The kitchen is a separate room much smaller than the main room. Grandpa’s kitchen was also built outside, on the left side in front of the main house. My uncle’s kitchen was built close to his father’s kitchen. The two kitchens are juxtaposed with their backs facing each other, and the kitchen doors open to their respective courtyards. The kitchen has become a natural barrier for cool thin people, blocking their eyes of mutual resentment and the affection of blood thicker than water..     Ten uncles’ house has a long horizontal length, with its back facing my uncle’s main house, uncle’s kitchen and my grandfather’s kitchen. On the back wall of the house of the ten great uncles, there is a back wall plinth that is a lot higher than the ground. The width of the plinth of the back wall allows a child to walk on it. Between the back wall of the ten uncles and the two kitchens behind them, there is a narrow passage for only one adult to pass through.     The passage is narrow and cool, the brick wall is damp, and green moss grows under it all the year round.. At the foot of the kitchen wall is sandy soil, which is washed by dripping water under the eaves all the year round, and the sand is white. There are ants scurrying on the white sands, and some small, nameless grass that is not tall blooms like rice grains during its growth.. In the corner, the spider weaves a smoke-like silk screen that floats with the breeze. My uncle and my grandparents could have come and gone through narrow lanes, but they didn’t. This small land in Xiaotian has become my haunt for children.     The eaves of the kitchen are low.On rainy days, I wore a straw hat with my back against the high back wall of the ten great uncle’s house and stood on the back wall to watch the dripping water under the eaves of the kitchen with interest.. Under the eaves hung rows of beautiful bead curtains. Drops of broken beads carved a string of white water nests on the white sands of the wall feet. The clothes were wet by the rain and the whole body was saturated with water vapor. I didn’t know how to run to shelter from the rain and be dragged back into the house by my grandmother to complain about it..     On a sunny day, the shade here is cool and refreshing, and the sun will never shine. I was playing in silence and didn’t know I was tired of it. Catch ants and spiders, destroy fine webs woven by spiders, and pull out grass and moss. From time to time, I read aloud and spoke to ants and spiders.. My childish words slipped into grandma’s ears and grandma, who was sitting in the courtyard quietly working, just smiled silently and never spoke. If my childish words were overheard by my sister-in-law in the family, she would surely make fun of me.     Grandma has a beautiful face, white complexion and tall figure. She was an outstanding beauty when she was young and still cold when she was old.. She was silent and quiet, spoke softly and softly, and always smiled slightly on her face. She was a very introverted and alienated person.. On weekdays, she is kind to others, seldom goes out and never visits her family. Even if I met an acquaintance on the road, I just nodded with a smile and never stopped to talk to people’s parents for half a day.. Grandpa also spoke little and rarely saw him at home. During the busy farming season, he spent all day in the fields waiting for crops, and went out to do small businesses during the idle farming season..     Grandma sat quietly in the yard, dustpan on her hand, regularly dusting grains. Take a look at me from time to time. If I had played in the world and slipped to my uncle’s house, she would have called me back in time. If I don’t step beyond the thunderpool, she will let me play alone all day long.     Young I don’t understand and don’t understand the subtle relationship between adults. I am curious about my uncle’s courtyard and will steal across the border against grandma’s wishes from time to time.. Look at a tree over there with bright durian flowers. There are many beautiful cousins over there who are older than me.     I was standing on the threshold of my uncle’s house with a glassy stare. I was very eager to enter the door, but I was rather hesitant and scruples.. Because the atmosphere inside the house is not friendly. Although I am young, I can still feel this. I stood there for a long time, not inviting people to see me. But I still don’t know what to do. I stayed for a long time and refused to leave.     I long for my cousin to invite me to play, but she always looks indifferent. In my impression, my aunt usually smiles at me but looks weird. As she smiled, she squeezed her nose and made eye contact. One eye blinked like sand. I don’t know how long it took, sister-in-law found out I was missing, quickly found me, and dragged me back desperately.     Back to my grandmother’s side, my sister looked at me for bruises and questioned me: ” Did anyone hit you over there?”? I naively replied, ” No, my aunt smiled at me and blinked.”. ‘ Young aunt earnestly warned: ” Do you know? My aunt blinked at you, meaning she hated you. Her smile is used to deceive you . ah, if she hits you, you will burst into tears, oh, I will run over to save you when I hear it, understand? ‘ I am very puzzled about this. The meaning of my aunt’s expression is complex. How can I understand the general sense of justice in my young and ignorant aunt’s expression??     The land in Ergrandma Village is pure sandy soil. In summer, when the rain washes the village road, many fine white sand will be washed out by the rain and become small alluvial fans on the village road.. Granny’s back and right are village roads. After a rainy day and a sunny day, playing sand on the village road alone is my time of intoxication. My little cousin walked on the village road, he turned a blind eye to me, as if he didn’t know me at all, and had a natural separation and hostility to me..     My little cousin is only two years older than me. We are close relatives and supposed to be good playmates, but he is indifferent to me. My little cousin could have taken a shortcut home if he would have crossed in his grandmother’s courtyard and crossed the narrow lane where I often played.. But he was obviously taught by his parents that his grandmother’s door was closed to him. He either walked around the back of grandma’s house or took a detour along the path on the edge of the pond and went home through the door of ten great uncles..He will never cut corners.     Grandma’s courtyard is lonely. After I grew up and left, my grandmother’s courtyard became more lonely. In retrospect, I did not know how much comfort and joy I had brought to my grandmother in her later years! When Grandma was 60, I was born in the world. I am grandmother’s long granddaughter, but I don’t know how many times more than her grandson and granddaughter have brought her comfort and joy.! It’s not that grandma treats me eccentrically, but that her grandchildren never regard her as grandma.     Grandma often takes me to cattle herding. I am very familiar with the fields in grandma’s village. My grandmother went to the fields to shovel grass, cut vegetables, fertilize and water, and I was there with her.. Before the age of six, I spent most of my time in my grandmother’s house and grew up under her care. After I entered primary school, I didn’t go to grandma’s house much more.     Granny’s life was full of blood and tears, and she gave birth to nine children, leaving only four at the end. She lost half of her life and was miserable.. Grandma cried too much when she was young and hurt her eyes, resulting in serious eye diseases in her later years. In the last few years of Grandma’s life, her eyes were almost completely blind, leaving only a little light feeling. Even after the eye surgery, the effect was still not good.. She spent the rest of her life groping.     Grandma had two sons, but one of them died prematurely. Of the four surviving children, my uncle is the eldest son, my mother is two women, and my mother is still two daughters. My uncle is eleven or two years older than my mother, which is obviously not the normal interval. Between their brother and sister, grandma also had two children, but they all died. The two children almost died together, and the time interval was within ten days. This is to blame on grandpa, who brought back some kind of acute infectious disease when he went to other villages to do small business.. He passed the disease on to his children, killing two small children in ten days, but he himself did not fail and did not die until he was eighty-eight years old..     Within ten days, two children, one son and one woman, were lost one after another! Such a blow, call grandma how to withstand? How can grandma not cry? After losing her youngest son, grandma gave up her heart and tried her best to bring back a son, but she failed to do so.. She was able to bear children by the age of 45, but all she gave birth to were girls.     A woman who has borne many children all her life has suffered a lot, but also has to bear the painful blow of losing five small children one after another.. Grandma cried for a long time and her eyes were broken. Her thin body hides too much misfortune and bears too much sorrow! All the pain, she silently bear, pain of the past, she never easily mentioned. However, her painful efforts were not reciprocated, and her only son was very unfilial! Her life, how unwilling!     His uncle was born in the early 1930s. He looks outstanding, is tall, and is about one meter eight in height. When he was young, he was an independent and special person. He did something many people did not dare to do or even think about in those days.. Now, it seems, are quite avant – garde.     My uncle, in his twenties, hooked up with a fellow village widow who was ten years older than him, thus driving out his original wife. He threw the daughter born by his ex-wife flatly to his mother, and he went through with Xin Huan sweetly..     Grandma wordlessly took over her granddaughter and raised her silently. Granny’s life’s suffering, the number of cars loaded, and raising another child are nothing. For this, she didn’t have half of her complaints flowing out of her mouth. Grandma regards her long granddaughter as her own and adds another daughter as her own. After all, the granddaughter is also a blood relative. When her granddaughter grew up, grandma married her again. Grandma’s granddaughter is two years older than her youngest daughter. Most of the time, my two young aunts always let this poor cousin who has no father and no mother.     My grandma and grandpa, who are honest and honest, do not agree that my son should marry a widow.After all, they believe that the old man was innocent and gave birth to a daughter. It is too unkind to do so.! The parents’ micro-words will be invalid after all. What kind of person is uncle? He does not need to consider his parents’ opinions.     The widow married and became her aunt today. Because my grandparents had a bad word about their combination, my aunt always had bad feelings towards my grandparents, and she always maintained hostility towards them. My uncle was obedient to my aunt and did not show filial piety to her parents..     Young aunts are married and big cousins are married. I have grown to over ten years old. I seldom come to grandma’s house. On weekdays, grandma’s courtyard was seldom visited. The elderly grandmother sat in the courtyard napping while she was idle.. Every once in a while, my mother will bring money and food to visit grandma. Grandma has two other daughters and a granddaughter. They also visit Grandma regularly. In addition to their occasional foot, grandma’s courtyard was deserted.     My grandmother’s last year in the world was full of diseases. My mother only visited her frequently. But this is not enough. Grandma needs more care. My uncle, who lives next door to my grandmother, refused to do anything as a son to take care of her mother. Most of the time, it was my mother who paid for the medicine and asked my uncle to buy it to grandma. The money my mother gave my uncle only spent a little money buying medicine for grandma, and most of it was for his own account.     Granny, feeling that she had no more time, said to my mother, ” I’m already very tired.”. I want to leave and walk before your father. I don’t want to leave late. Those who leave late are more painful. Before long, grandma passed away and really walked before grandpa. A year later, grandpa followed him away.     Now, when I finish my grandmother’s words, I deeply understand grandma’s sense of despair. At that time, grandma, how sad the bottom of my heart should be! She has no love for her life. In her lifetime, she has had enough suffering, only a few sweet things, and there is no longer any joy in her life.!     My grandmother came to the end of her life, and I realized that in this life, I have missed the time for grandma Otawa to meet and regret it beyond my reach.! That evening, my mother prepared ginseng soup, and in the night, I took my mother to see my grandmother for the last time.. Grandma has been arranged by her uncle to lie on the floor of the hall waiting for death. My mother wanted to drink ginseng soup to grandma, but my aunt stopped it and said that drinking ginseng soup would delay the time for a longer time..     Under the dim light, grandma’s face was swollen and she could no longer open her eyes. The mind is sometimes vague and sometimes clear. I heard that we came to see her. She tried her best to give us a blessing with her eyes closed.. The custom here is that the old man should say his best wishes to his loved ones before he dies.. Blessed people will be lucky. Grandma asked my mother to go home quickly, because the custom is that a married woman can’t watch her parents die, otherwise it would be unlucky..     My mother finally did not feed grandma ginseng soup under the stop of my aunt.. In fact, ginseng soup is not effective for grandma, but it can tell her aunt’s heart. Grandma didn’t say a blessing to her aunt until she died.     We had no choice but to leave. Grandma died that night. Heaven and earth were silent. Grandma silently took away her story. Today, grandma’s courtyard has been razed to the ground and her uncle has built a building on it. Grandma’s courtyard, I can’t go back . Ah